The Guitar Player's Girlfriend

For the other half of the guitarist's life

High Guitar Players = Kermit The Frog

One of the biggest delusions among gigging musicians is that their listeners don’t know they’re high.  Hey, guys, wake up … we know you’re stoned out of your minds.  Quit playing your damn instruments and just call it a day until you can get yourself together.

This truth hit me again today when I was stuck at a particularly painful band practice.  Usually when the singing is that bad, I head out (guitar player girlfriend survival strategy #1 – make yourself scarce) but with the pouring rain, leaving really wasn’t an option.  Instead, the guys in the band just kept eating pot cake and giggling while I tried to be productive in another part of the house.

Then Kermit the Frog entered the picture.  You know, the one from the Muppets.  That Kermit.  Not a standard feature for most sober bands.  However, this afternoon, after far, far too many pot-laced bakery goods, the guys decided that this would be the next addition to their playlist.

Kermit – It\’s Not Easy Being Green

I love my boyfriend, but listening to this 300 times in a row makes me hate my life.

 

Gibson Guitar Being Bullied By EPA?

The Wall Street Journal reported that the EPA raided Gibson Guitars to seize pieces of wood for samples.  Apparently, the guitar maker may be guilty of using illegally harvested woods in its guitars.  On the other hand, if you take the company’s side, they are getting harassed by the EPA – AGAIN – for making guitars elite musicians play.

At issue is the ebony being used for the fret boards, which comes from a number of developing nations.  India and Madagascar are prime suppliers, and the woods may not always be harvested in accordance with official standards.  Which Gibson may not know – they are just the end recipient, buying through recognized channels.  The whole thing has been compared to the blood diamond thing, where even if you are buying from a legitimate source, your products could be from shady sources the further you go down the food chain.

Instead of using hardwood for the fret boards, the “responsible” choice is carbon fiber.  Yet Gibson Guitars and others have said that guitarists don’t want to use carbon fiber since they feel it messes with the tone of their guitars.  (Ask your guitar playing boyfriend about his preferences.  I’ll wait.  Let’s both have a drink.)  Living with a tone obsessed player, I can get that this is a sensitive issue.  The dear boy’s guitar is all hardwood, and was custom made for him by a friend.  If you asked me to tell you what kind of wood it is made from, I would say “brown” and then run away before you could hit me.

Anyway, I am hardly alone in not knowing my hardwoods from a rock on the ground, but apparently if you are traveling with your guitar, there is a possibility that it could be seized if you don’t know all the woods in it thanks to the Lacey Act, which covers importation of flora and fauna.  Fun fact: guitars can count as flora and fauna, even if they are nice vintage guitars.  So you have to do some extra paperwork if you have rare woods in your guitar or risk fines for faulty disclosure and confiscation of your guitar.  Scary stuff – and just a part of what Gibson is fighting against.  I’ll keep you posted as I figure out more!

 

Guitar Joke Of The Week: Jazz vs. Rock

Had to put this one in this week after going to the jazz show last week – where there was nobody!  We were there to work the sound, and fortunately for a fixed fee and not a percentage of the door.

Question:  What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays three chords in front of thousands of people. A jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords in front of three people.

Guitar Quotes: Guitars For Mental Health

Saw this quote tonight and thought I’d share it:

A guitar in my house, accessible, is a semi-automatic weapon against the blues.” – Thomas Moore

Fridays Hanging Out At Gigs

When you date a guitar player, you know that you are going to be spending a fair amount of Fridays hanging out at gigs.  In the early days, your boyfriend may try to refer to these events as “dates” but don’t be fooled.  These are not romantic evenings.  Yes, you may end up going home with the guitarist, but chances are its because you’re the only one still sober enough to drive.

This situation is made somewhat worse when you date a guitarist with others skills.  Yes, these do exist.  Some can sing, some can play drums, and others can run the soundboard.  Mine has soundboard skills, which means that even when he’s not playing in the band, he still gets to show up as the sound guy for other group’s gigs.  This effectively doubles the number of Fridays I, the girlfriend, have the option to “hang out” at gig night.

It’s not the worst way to spend a Friday.  It’s also not the best.  Most guitar player girlfriends know that once the music starts, its like you don’t really exist anymore.  Unless something is dedicated to you, congratulations, you’re effectively a part of the general decor.  At this point, it is helpful to have brought a friend with you to gig night, befriended another lonely guitar player girlfriend-type, enjoy drinking alone, or leave early.

My plan tonight?  Leave early.  I don’t know the band my dear boy is doing the sound for, which means I probably don’t know any of the girlfriends (I’ve been surprised before – GPGf’s get around).  Still, it’s August, which is vacation time, and my normal bar buddies are all out of town.  I’ll eat, hear some of the first set, and then peace out unless the band rocks.  Keep you posted, but to all my fellow GPGfs out there heading to a Friday night gig – have fun, good luck, and here’s to us for enduring!

He Sees Paul Reed Smith, I See Shiny Blue

When I was putting this site together, I went looking for guitar images.  Basically, I wanted something with a picture of a guitar on it.  As you can see, I found a nice picture with a big, shiny blue guitar in it.

After I got the site put up, I showed it to my guitar playing boyfriend.  He takes one look at it and says, “Why did you pick a Paul Reed Smith guitar?”

I looked at him.  “A what?”

“A Paul Reed Smith guitar.  I’m pretty sure that’s what’s in the picture,” he says, and proceeds to tell me why he knows it’s a Paul Reed Smith guitar.  I’d tell you, but I’ll be honest, I kind of zoned out at that point and resurfaced about 10 minutes later when he finished.

“Anyway – I like the color,” I said.  He just looked at me, and then went back in the other room to play with his own custom made guitar.  Right … ladies, what do you see when you look at the site picture?

Guitar Joke Of The Week

I love a good guitar joke … and I love guitar jokes that touch on the relationship between a guitar player and his girlfriend best of all.  So to start off the collection of guitar jokes featured on The Guitar Player’s Girlfriend, here’s one for all you loyal guitar player lovers:

Question:  What do you call a guitar player who breaks up with his girlfriend?

Answer:  Homeless …

Guitar Player Girlfriends – A Resource Site For All Of Us

Dating a guitar player is like stepping into a whole new universe.  For some of us, it’s like stepping into the world you were always looking.  For others, it’s like we’ve arrived on some alien planet, and we’re not real sure how to navigate now that we’re here.

I’ve been there, chickies.  More than once.  While I’d hesitate to call myself a veteran guitar player girlfriend, I’ve been through enough guitarists that I ought to have my own tribute band.  Commiserating with a friend and fellow guitar player girlfriend during a particularly awful jam session, I decided it was time that we, the girlfriends, had a site of our own.  A place where we could go to secretly study up on the world of the guitarist, share stories, and get what we need to thrive in the world.

What can you expect to find here?  Look for regular posts and updates on:

  • Parts of the guitar
  • Practice survival tips
  • Guitar player girlfriend biographies (we’re more than just pretty faces!)
  • Tips on buying guitar accessories
  • Guitar vocab and guitar player slang
  •  Popular guitar songs
  • Fashion choices for guitar player girlfriends
  • The low-down on bands you should probably know (but probably don’t)
  • Guitar player jokes
  • The girlfriend life

This and much more will be waiting for you anytime you need a friend, a distraction, or frankly anything to get your mind off the song being played over and over in the background.  We can live through being girlfriends of guitar players, and we can enjoy what we’ve got — together!